She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
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