I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
