doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Randomize