i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
