My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Randomize
