I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
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