somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
We smell like vodka and hangover
Randomize
