Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
