hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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