You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
