i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
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