No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
