I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
this will be a night to untag.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
Randomize
