I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
