How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
