Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
