She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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