Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
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