1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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