Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
