Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
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