My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
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