sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
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