Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
either way he was missing a nipple.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Randomize
