Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
my penis made a compromise with my morals
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize