saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Randomize
