Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Randomize
