i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Randomize
