but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
Randomize
