why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
