So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
Apparently you make a good broom.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
