When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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