so explain again why im purple
no
Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
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