I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
