Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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