cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
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