bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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