Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Randomize
