I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
