I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Randomize
