It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Randomize
