Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
Every concussion has its silver lining
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
