She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
