I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
Yes because finding a guy to give head to is pretty difficult.
I mean not really
Obviously that's why it was a joke you are so stupid it's impossible.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
