So drunk its hurt
Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
