youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
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