i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
The best revenge is premature balding
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
