Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
