The maid of honor just puked.
I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
I wear drunk well.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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