kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
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