Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Randomize
