just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
Why is your signature on my underwear?
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
