how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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