Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Randomize
