she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
