I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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