false alarm. still invincible.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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