Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
