haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Randomize
