I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Randomize
