If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
even my farts smell like vagina
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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