I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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