As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
Randomize
