She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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