Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
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