When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Randomize
