i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
I'm really busy with my period
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