found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
