At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize