oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
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