just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
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