There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
