I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
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