I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Randomize