So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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