sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
