Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
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