i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
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