I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
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