Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
the raccoons are back...
Randomize