i think i have herpe
just one?
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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