well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize
