Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
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