oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Randomize