you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
Randomize
