my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
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