miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
I can't trust your balls anymore.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize