She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
This gyro tastes like lonliness
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
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