i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
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