I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Randomize
