I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
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