I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
Randomize
