apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
