I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
