Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
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