apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
