if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
Swine flu. Run for my life!
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
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