Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
