I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Randomize