Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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