$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
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