ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize
