i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Randomize
