when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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