It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Randomize
