remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
