look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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