I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
