4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Randomize
