ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Randomize
